5 Steps To Self-Love

18th January 2019

Everyone hits a slump once in a while where we feel inadequate, unattractive, inauthentic or lost. It’s totally normal. I know I have this conversation with myself daily sometimes but each time I do, it gets easier. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Here is how I set myself right when I need an internal pep talk.


I have recently just finished reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and it has been incredibly impactful on my life. One of the four agreements in particular often helps me understand the guilt and pressure I often put on myself on behalf of other people’s actions. This agreement is the second one and it is “Don’t take anything personally”. You have to understand that every single soul on this spinning rock has their own blueprint, their own world view, their own opinions and their own dreams. You cannot take responsibility or accountability for what someone else chooses to feel.

We are all just massive mirrors to each other and some people you meet are going to make you feel validated and some are going to show you things about yourself that you don’t like / accept. This means that for the most part, most of the issues people have with the world or people around them are actually issues inside of themselves. If someone makes you feel inadequate or uncomfortable in your own skin, it means that firstly, you have made an agreement to allow that persons words to affect or hurt you, and secondly that individuals issue is not with you at all but rather an internal one. Think about it, the stuff that really really irritates us about each other is generally something we dislike or try to avoid in our own lives and actually has very little to do with them as a person. This goes both ways. If someone has said something hurtful to you chances are they have been saying that thing to themselves a lot longer.


Do you like strange music that you only play in your car when you’re alone? Do you have an alter ego and constantly buy him / her interesting things to wear which you never actually get around to wearing? Do you find off-beat things funny but never share it because you’re afraid that people just won’t get it. WHY? Why are you hiding the best things about you from the world? Why would you rob the world of experiencing your unique quirks that make you who you are. This is your creamy centre! This is your essence!

Why spend so much time and effort on making people only like you when you are actually preventing the best of them from loving you. Imagine being able to be exactly who you are and living in that truth freely and effortlessly and actually having people love you for it! This would be you being you in your natural state of bliss which is what you have been made for in the first place.

If you feel drawn towards something, why not investigate it? Your soul knows what it wants. Maybe you haven’t really taken enough time to actually listen to what it is that your soul is asking for and you have been telling it what it should want based on what message is being fed to you by society or your community. You are feeling unsatisfied and hungry for more. Would you be happy in a relationship with someone who didn’t listen to you, laughed at your needs and then told you what you should do instead? Girl, I know I would be out that door quicker than my hair changes colour! Why do this to yourself then? 


I hate restrictive diets and will never endorse them. All for one that is. A digital diet couldn’t be more essential for every modern woman on social media. Please take some time to cut out the negative influences in your life. When I say negative, I don’t mean that these are “bad” people of that they have “bad” intentions, they are just not in line with what makes you happy. Each of us have different things that make us happy. You know the instant you look at a picture / post whether or not it makes you feel good or not. Don’t think twice. UNFOLLOW. Leave space for shit that makes you feel good! There is nothing better than a good old spring deep clean, why not tend to your Insta or Facebook too? There’s enough dirty laundry there for you to have a field day! 


The gaping hole that opened up when you unfollowed every account / influencer / company that makes you feel inadequate or conflicted can now be filled with inspiration and tangible goals for your own life. Find someone to follow or be inspired by who actually looks like you, ( and not what you think you should look like ) or does what you would love to do. Someone who inspires you to be the best version of yourself as you are now. Its great to set goals but its incredibly important to also love yourself where you are at every stage of your life. There is no such thing as a bad or inadequate stage in your life, there are just chapters.

If beautifully designed homes make you feel warm and fuzzy, follow more interior decorators or architects. If you want to spend more time in the ocean, follow oceanographers or free divers. Fill your feed and your eyes with what you want more of and eventually it will overflow into your life. What you think about, you bring about. 


When you find who it is that you are or feel like you are moving closer to that person, let him / her shine! Bask in your beautiful, Unique Freak and don’t you ever apologise for who you are. You have been made the way you are for a reason. There is only one of you on this entire planet. How magical is that? Literally there is only 1 of you and will only ever be 1 of you in the history of forever. Why, oh why would you want this one life to be beige so that other people feel comfortable? Maddness!

So, buy your sparkly dress, paint your wall bright blue, sign up for that course, ditch your toxic friend who uses you as a buffer, swap those heels that hurt your feet for your Doc Martens or wear that bright red lipstick that makes you feel extra AF. You deserve it, you are enough and you are in your life right now. This aint no dress rehearsal honey!

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  • Reply Shelly Stedman 18th January 2019 at 1:23 pm

    Love love love this! Thank you for sharing your 5 steps to self-love. I neglected those two words in my own life for so long however I am now firmly a member of the Self-love club!

    • Reply secondbreakfast 18th January 2019 at 1:25 pm

      YES YES YES!!!! This makes me so happy! Welcome to the club you gorgeous thing you! x

  • Reply Donique 18th January 2019 at 7:44 pm

    Wow! You inspire me!! Tip nr 1- i def needed to hear that! Thanks Claire xoxo

    • Reply secondbreakfast 21st January 2019 at 9:37 am

      YAY!! So happy lovely! Always good to remind ourselves!

  • Reply Quelene 19th January 2019 at 6:27 am

    Loved every word, thank you for the incredible reminder. Xx

    • Reply secondbreakfast 21st January 2019 at 9:36 am

      It’s such a pleasure Quelene! 🙂

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